A Letter To My Potential Future Brother-In-Law

TIna & Kelvin

So as I mentioned in my previous posting, my sister is moving to Hong Kong, away from her family here in the States, to be with her man.  I just want to take this time to give my potential brother-in-law a message as someone who has been a sister to his girlfriend for…eh, enough years!

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Dear K, I hope you know how lucky you are to be with my sister, but even a lucky man like yourself still needs to hear some words from a potential sister-in-law that loves her sister very much!  Oh and my mom also has some of those same feelings as I have below so word to the wise, you should read all of it just in case she "tests" you on it! 

  • Know it's a huge sacrifice for her to be moving almost 7,000 miles from her family in San Francisco…just for you!  No pressure, but pressure!
  • Don't you dare mistreat her, treat her with more care than you would the most precious diamonds.
  • She is beautiful and special so do everything you can to tell her and show her that she is-everyday and no, it's not too much!
  • Take her out often, do special things for her, and surprise her (she hates bad surprises but good gestures are a different story).
  • Never drop the F-bomb on her (aka F-A-T), even if you think negative affirmation will motivate her to stay fit.  She may act tough but she still has her insecurities so find another way to motivate her to hit the gym with you.
  • If you go out without her, it doesn't hurt your relationship to let her know where or who you are meeting up with to help ease her mind and slowly build more trust between the two of you.  No, you don't have to tell her but it would help ease her insecurities and keep her mind from "going there" with those crazy assumptions.  
  • Just because you live together, doesn't mean you should get complacent because you know she wants to get married and have kids, so if I have to wait for even more than a couple years to attend your guys' wedding, you are dead meat because she better not be your girlfriend forever!
  • Also know that just because you live together, it doesn't mean your commitment level to each other is any less. To me, you guys living together is basically the same as getting married, the only difference is you guys haven't walked down an aisle after spending $30K on a wedding and you haven't signed a piece of paper making you official to the government.  Outside of that, you guys love each other, are committed to being with one another, committed to working things out even though there will be bumps in the road, and you guys are inviting one another into each other's lives!  
  • Make sure you help her feel welcomed into your family and if she doesn't, lend a listening ear and do your best to be that bridge between her and your family.  Happy Wife = Happy Life or in your case, Happy Live-In Girlfriend = Happy Life
  • Tina has quite the temper on her (I would know) but once you let her cool down a little (don't let her cool down too long), she will be willing to listen.  Don't just avoid the problems/issues, work them out and don't just leave her while she's angry, make sure you let her know you're giving her a little bit of space but you want to work things out.  Depending on the magnitude of your fight, my experience has been 5 minutes from fight to laughing together again.  
  • Don't be afraid to apologize first…even if you think you're right.
  • Don't fight to be "right," that will only lead to more fights in the moment and in the future.
  • Encourage her to do the things that she loves, baking, cooking, scrapbooking, rock climbing (which I know you guys love doing together)…and I think shopping would probably fit right in there too!
  • Make sure you encourage her to come back to SF and visit as often as possible, I'd like once a month but will settle for a little less if it's absolutely necessary!

So after writing this super long "letter," I was told by hubby that he will probably never read all these points and I should condense it down to 3 main points.  So what I'm going to give him is the Cliff Notes version of my letter with 3 main points just in case he doesn't actually read it but my hope is he will!  I guess that's the ultimate test!

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Cliff Notes Version:

  1. Though Tina has got quite the temper on her, sometimes she just needs time to cool down but she really does want to work things out.
  2. She may act tough but she also gets hurt easily!  Don't drop the F-bomb on her (aka F-A-T), try to find another way to motivate her.  
  3. Tina loves you very much or she wouldn't be making such a huge sacrifice for you!  This is a huge step for her and I hope you understand that she sees you as the one that she wants to be with.  So don't make her wait very long to become your MRS!

Oh yes, Tina can be quite an unpredictable one where she's all lovey dovey one moment and then quite the opposite the next minute but you've gotta love her "charm!"

Tina & K

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